


don't have to do this alone

by judlane



Category: All For the Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks, torture mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-17
Updated: 2016-09-17
Packaged: 2018-08-15 10:30:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8052862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judlane/pseuds/judlane
Summary: “Jean, you know I’m here right? Like, man, I’m right here, you don’t gotta do this alone.” His voice was soft and rough with the undercurrent of worry and desperation. 
An emotion swelled in Jean’s chest, something that curled around his heart and filled the spaces between his ribs. It pressed his lungs into their known rhythm and made his belly turn pleasantly. He wasn’t alone.





	don't have to do this alone

**Author's Note:**

> please forgive any mistakes i'm too overcome with my love for jeremy knox .. also maybe possibly might write a full fic about jeremy/jean bc i love them (pls let me know if i should or not)

  
Everything was too much, too loud, too many people smiling with too many teeth, too many hands pressed to his back, too many words smothered into the side of his head, arms tight around his shoulders. Too much.

Jean gasped for air, a rough noise ripping his throat as he panicked. He was seated on the cold tile of a small bathroom, lights off and the thudding of the music below vibrating his unraveling body. He had wedged himself between the counter and toilet, an extremely cramped fit, but it made him feel better. He felt protected, like his encouragement from his teammates was something he needed to be defended from.

They had won an easy game, at least Jean had thought so, but they were celebrating like it was the championship. Liquor and booze flooded in by the kegs and half-gallons, leading to everyone being wasted long before midnight.

At first it had all been fine. Jean had been fine. He filled his solo cup with water and was actually enjoying himself, laughing at his teammate’s drunk antics. He’d nearly thought he’d throw up from laughing too hard after watching Alvarez try to slam dunk a ping pong ball home in a lone cup on the counter, only to completely miss and hit the floor with a dull thud. But then, suddenly, something twisted in his chest and he couldn’t breathe.

It felt like someone had punched him the stomach, and then all he felt was the cold press of a knife into his skin, cruel fingers wrapped around his throat, hissing Japanese as a cane slapped against his body.

He had managed to murmur a small excuse to no one in particular and took the stairs to the second floor by the threes.

Jean inwardly cursed himself as he struggled to pace his erratic breathing. Why did he have to ruin every good thing? Why couldn’t he just enjoy one thing without the taint of Riko? Why couldn’t he just be fucking left alone?

_He’s ruined me_ , Jean thought brokenly, pressing his forehead harder against his curled knees. _He’s ruined me._

Jean’s internal meltdown was cut off suddenly by a quick rapt against the door, and then the jiggling of the doorknob.

“Aw man, c’mon, I gotta pee!”

Jean flinched as he recognized that voice - Jeremy.

“Look, whoever is in there, please let me in for like two seconds, I gotta piss so bad.”

Jean scooted farther back into his crevice, heart sinking. Jeremy couldn’t see him like this. He had worked so hard to convince his teammates he was fine, that he was done with the panic attacks and flinches and the emotional turmoil that was his mentality. He had worked so hard. He’d stayed up late so many nights, pulling at his hair and whispering his new team’s name over and over into his sheets. Why did it all have come crashing down like this?

The doorknob shook a little more forcefully. “Man, c’mon, for real now, like I’m about piss my pants.”

Jean sucked in a straining breath and slowly uncurled from his position, joints aching. He wiped his face with the hem of his shirt, grimacing when he saw it came back damp. He could only hope that Jeremy was too drunk to notice the redness of his eyes and his ashen skin.

Forcing one last breath into his lungs, he undid the lock with trembling fingers and pulled the door open.

Jeremy’s hand was raised in mid-knock, and his face brightened when he saw Jean.

“Jean, my man, I was about to–” He cut himself off, smile vanishing and worry replacing it. “Dude, what’s wrong?”

Of course he would notice. He noticed everything.

“Nothing, Jeremy, I just felt a little sick, but I’m fine now. Here,” Jean stepped out in the hallway, keeping his gaze on Jeremy’s shoes. His voice only wobbled a small bit, something Jean could blame on him being “sick”.

Jeremy, however, seemed to be having none of it.

“Dude, I’m serious, what’s wrong? Do you want me to walk you back to our dorm?”

Jean winced. He didn’t want Jeremy missing out on the celebration. He didn’t want to burden anyone with his problems anymore. Everyone was over Riko. Why couldn’t he be?

“No, I’m- I’m fine, I’m going to go downstairs.”

“Jean.”

A warm, calloused hand slowly wrapped around his and kept him there in the hallway, body half-turned away from Jeremy. The music was still thudding downstairs and Jean hoped it would drown out his heart.

Jeremy took a step closer.

“Jean, you know I’m here right? Like, man, I’m right here, you don’t gotta do this alone.” His voice was soft and rough with the undercurrent of worry and desperation.

_You don’t gotta do this alone._

An emotion swelled in Jean’s chest, something that curled around his heart and filled the spaces between his ribs. It pressed his lungs into their known rhythm and made his belly turn pleasantly. He wasn’t alone.

Jeremy was still staring at him intensely, frown tugging on his lips. Jean slowly felt a smile pull across his face, and the wetness in his eyes gathered at the corners.

“Yes, I know. Let’s go downstairs,” Jean answered, curling his fingers around Jeremy’s.

His answer seemed to quiet down some of Jeremy’s concern, because he smiled brightly, before grimacing. “Hold up one sec, I still gotta piss.”

Jean laughed and kept smiling after Jeremy even as the bathroom door closed. And if he quickly pressed his hand that Jeremy had grabbed to his cheek and wiped at his wet eyes, only the darkness of the hallway saw him.


End file.
